1. |
Lay Awake
01:56
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I thought of going back to jesus
I thought of throwing life away
I thought of every possible outcome, It all felt the same
Inner searches going nowhere
Habit pushing me to pray
Tell me a way to get out and to still be saved
I threw my phone across the kitchen
Bits of glass underneath the table
I know how it hurts to pretend that you’re still stable
Cause I’ve been scared
and I’ve been angry
And I’ve been used the wrong way
And you are not alone when you lay awake
I thought of going back to college
Only in fits of fear and rage
A feeble attempt to fit in with the people my age
I thought I had it figured out
I thought I had the guts to let this go
The past few years have disagreed
You’ve been planting all these seeds in me
And they’re starting to grow into
something that I can’t hold back anymore
For a second it was simple,
I could take it, I was sure
But I’ve been scared
And I’ve been angry
And I’ve been used the wrong way
And you are not alone when you lay awake
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2. |
Curse My Name
04:25
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I slept on the floor, I knew that it was coming
And I think I destroyed the lining in my stomach
And I almost thought I would stay, you said you only sleep alone
You drove me home, your eyes bitter and vacant
Cause we settled for sex and awkward conversation
And I think indiana likes to keep the lonely feeling low
And summer turns to fall
And still I’ll say it’s not my fault
But it is, and the world still spins whether I’m alright or not
So I’ll lash out and call it art cause that’s the best defense I’ve got
I swear I heard my name before I heard
the subject change
You’re staring at the floor and
I’m still wasting energy on
Shaking, pacing inner demons
And shame is nothing but pursuit of grace
I’d rather push them both away
And I say I hate this place but
I sit in my decay delaying change
I still excel at acting like an innocent
If you take the blame I’ll hide from any criticism
I went away and kept making incisions in your brain
Consider the cost of not letting you walk away
I guess it’s my loss, I never said that I was sane and
We’ll turn to dust like moths and I will still haunt this place
And the notes will descend like snow
And the words will make you cry
I’ll be a ghost of my old habits and I’ll swear I’m right this time
I swear I heard my name before I heard
the subject change
You’re staring at the floor and
I’m still wasting energy on
Shaking, pacing inner demons
And shame is nothing but pursuit of grace
I talk to God every day
He doesn’t know my name and
I don’t have faith but it helps me still to
Pray I’ll figure out how this’ll pan out
And i’m afraid, but not enough to shut my damn mouth
My patience ran out
You know it feels kind of stupid to feel lonely
When I just keep pushing away
And I can’t count all the people that I’ve let down
I’ve made a mess, I know I’ve made a mess
You know it feels pretty useless
You’re the only one I just keep failing to save
And I can picture you crying in your bedroom
I’ve made a mess, I know I’ve made a mess
I always make a mess
I swear I heard my name before I heard
the subject change
You’re staring at the floor and
I’m still wasting energy on
Shaking, pacing inner demons
And shame is nothing but pursuit of grace
It’s like we’ve been awake for days
And I hear you curse my name but
The damn thing never fit me anyway
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3. |
Branches
03:42
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It's beginning to feel like the end times
I think I'll waste away in bed
Cause every time i read the news it's Armageddon in my head
I guess i could've just been more compliant
I could've put faith into these hands
Instead I buried them in guilt of things i still don't understand
And isn't it strange to think that there are bones beneath your skin
I guess it makes me feel like a more practical invention
So maybe there's a God, I don't know
But do you really think he built out bodies whole?
I have to think that the parts are out there somewhere if we only have the guts to leave our homes
I know i fucking don't
And this is how almost every day ends with me figuring everything out
And every new one begins with the new thing I've found to be sad about
And I hate the way that I only write sad songs
I don't get that thrill like I used to
And I hate these overly romantic depictions of depression
And I hate that I'm part of that too
But searching for the will to change anything at all is useless
It's beginning to feel mostly hopeless
How long can I wander through these halls
Suffocating for a living is not where I see myself at all
But I can't lie, my comfort has a cost
And if the world is ending I might be better off
I might be better off
And this is how almost every day ends with me figuring everything out
And every new one begins with the new thing I've found to be sad about
And I hate the way that I only write sad songs
I don't get that thrill like I used to
And I hate these overly romantic depictions of depression
And I hate that I'm part of that too
But searching for the will to change anything at all makes me sick
Bury me, maybe I'll grow into something of use to you
I'll be a tree, I will stand up for once
And you can hide in my hollows when you feel as useless as I have this month
And you can climb my branches to better days
(Starting to grow into something that you can't save)
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4. |
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Head trama
Rush of blood
As if life wasn’t enough
I wish I could be oblivious like them
Cold water
Certain death
You were right to second guess
My motives were so wrong and self obsessed
But how will I move on from here
I’ll run away, grow out my beard
I’ll change my name
And wipe my memories clean
Cold black water
Is it selfish
Coming up for air
I am not prepared to be honest with anyone
After all I’m just a kid
I have lost control and i’m stuck in the mess i’m in
I am the guilty conscious and I fucked up big
And I wish I believed in saviors but I can’t
But how will I rise from the dead
I’ll speak in tongues and part my seas
I’ll write my bible any way they will believe
Cold black water
Is it selfish
Coming up for air
Cold black water
Is it selfish
Coming up for air
(It’s times like these I forget how to stand
cause my body knows shame like the back of my hand
And I spent a lot of money on my stained glass faith)
It’s times like these I forget how to stand
because my body knows shame like the back of my hand
And I spent a lot of money on my stained glass faith
But it’ll shatter like it’s nothing
What a shame, what a waste
I’m out
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5. |
Anywhere But Here
01:57
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Fill the empty spaces of my mind with open ended questions
just to give me something to do
I’ll run around the room or sit completely still
just to figure it out
Cause I need something to get me out of bed
And the days just go so slow
More time to make something out of nothing
Like i always do, you know
I spend the days waiting for something new
I spend the nights just thinking about you
So take me somewhere, take me anywhere but here
I’m stuck in the middle of all my greatest fears
I spend the days waiting for something new
I spend the nights just thinking about you
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6. |
Body And Blood
04:20
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My body and blood, lord
My soul and my skin
I’m not sure what they’re there for
But I know where they’ve been
I’m waking up with bruises I don’t recognize
I think I died last night
And in a strange twist of fate
I woke up in the same tired state as I do every day
I don’t know why I still drink
I think I’m starting to outgrow regretting things
That I can barely remember
But one way or another
I can’t seem to put this sacrifice to rest
My body and blood, Lord
My soul and my skin
I’m not sure what they’re there for
But I know where they’ve been
And I know what these eyes have seen
Is easily forgotten
And every day goes by and
Everything dies eventually
But nothing happens to the ghosts
I woke up in the strangest place, I’ve got no coat
And it’s cold but I walk home
Retracing faces and footprints that followed me to your bed
I’d like to stay but I run instead
I left no number, no proof that I exist
Not that you’ll need it, you could see the signs of trouble on my skin
I woke up shaking like I always do
And I just know I’m gonna scare you away
My body and blood, Lord
My soul and my skin
I’m not sure what they’re there for
But i know where they’ve been
And I know what these eyes have seen
Is easily forgotten
And every day goes by and
Everything dies eventually
But nothing happens to the ghosts
Holy Ghost,
You still haunt the vacant halls in my bones
It’s not that I need you,
I just don’t have time to move on
Will fear of God send me to heaven
Or am I gonna need something more
Cause I’ve been terrified from the beginning
I just wanna know what I should prepare for
But the bible hasn’t given me comfort
I was baptized on a bedroom floor
Where I was touched by something other than angels
And I just can’t forget anymore
Will fear of god send me to heaven
Or am I gonna need something more
Cause I’ve been terrified from the beginning
I just wanna know what I should prepare for
But the bible hasn’t given me comfort
I was baptized on a bedroom floor
Where I taught myself this feeling was my fault
And I don’t wanna feel the shame anymore
My body and blood, Lord
(my body and blood)
My soul and my skin
(My soul and my skin)
I’m not sure what they’re there for
(there’s still blood on my hands)
But I know where they’ve been
(I’m still counting the sins)
And I know what these eyes have seen
(my body and blood)
Is easily forgotten
(my soul and my skin)
And every day goes by and
Everything dies eventually
(I’m not scared of the ghosts)
But nothing happens to the ghosts
(but I know where they’ve been, I know where they’ve been)
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7. |
Stay Awake
04:12
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I thought of all the things that led to
The times that I’ve been sad
I thought of all the strange behaviors I could never understand
Like shaking in your bed
Keeping secrets from my family
The bitter remains of the sick twisted game we played
Stay Awake
I stay trapped in my old habits
Displaying inner fear of change
I sprinkle apathy in cracks that come to meet me as I age
I hate the nights I say too much
Pity makes me feel so weak
I think the chemicals in my head are out to get me
Stay Awake
But I’ve grown into something more than a victim in my eyes
And I didn’t bear this cross just to lay down and die
I will not be made a slave
I’m not alone when I lay awake
And they need me,
Oh they need me to be brave
You are not alone when you lay awake
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City Mouth Phoenix, Arizona
Matt Pow and friends!
A pop punk/indie pop band from Chicago and Phoenix.
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